Excerpt from the winner of Eisteddfod 2009...

Mark Grist was crowned Chief Bard of the Fens after wowing the judges with his work...here's an extract from his poem 'We interrupt this Eisteddfod for an important channel 9 announcement':

We interrupt this Eisteddfod for an important channel 9 announcement...

What on earth do you think you’re all doing?
What on earth makes you think its ok?
To be outside enjoying the arts in the Fens
On this perfectly suitable for television day

Did you think we wouldn’t notice?
Well, did you?
Did you think we’d just let it all fly?
All those months programming trash
Just to make you all laugh
The odd clip show to watch
While you’re running your bath
All those phone in quizzes
Where the prize really goes to our staff
That was all done for you,
Or at least on your behalf

And did you consider leaving the house
a victimless crime?
Thinking ‘It can't possibly watch TV all of time!’

Well big mistake!

Because we are

Channel 9

Over time we've grown attached
to your fickle attention
We won’t give your eyes and ears up
Without due intervention

So we’ve rallied ourselves
In our Channel 9 tower
We’ve scowled at the ratings
For hour upon hour
We’ve digested the spreadsheets
In darkened decor
We’ve tortured researchers
Then tortured some more
Selected focus groups
Wrapped them tight in barbed wire
Slammed tequila in boardrooms
Chucked kids on the fire
And when it all seemed quite hopeless
The Ferrero Roche all but gone
A junior executive
Soulless and young
Leaned in and said...
Do you remember that film in the 80s?
The one with Kevin Costner?
Where he live with those Native americans,
Till he lost the Westernized ideals,
That stopped him from keeping it real
Instead he learned from nature how to feel
And hunted for his meals
Well, why don't we steal
the title of that film,
Then use it literally?
And imagine the slick
kick
to the public
we'll transmit
When we break all the rules
When we give the public what they want
When we give them

Celebrity Dances With Wolves...

On Ice

Nice

It’s a subtle blend of
Heartwarming
Howling and growling
With desperate TV icons
Who haven’t yet thrown the towel in
Yes,
Real Deadbeat celebrities
Real ravenous Wolves
And real Ice
Yes real ice
Everyday after school
See the crusty old host
In a shiny new suit
See the wafer thin model
In a dress that’s minute
The parade of the wolves
Who’ve been starved for a bit
How long will Keith Chegwin last
Till his jugular’s split?
You’ve got to admit
We’ve got our hands on a hit
As you pick up the remote with confusion and sit
And watch
All
Of
It

Fear, mixed with our
finest canned laughter
Whenever a wolf catches hold
Of his or her dancing partner
Smell the confusion, the menace
Taste the blood and the sweat
Hear the gnashing of teeth
During each pirouette
And so you’ll come back,
lie suspiciously deep
in your seat
Suckle tentatively upon
our CGI’d teat
Yes, you like that you fools
You idiots, you dogs
Channel 9 will envelop you
Till your senses are robbed!
And as you sit there transfixed
With those hounds in ball gowns
We’ll buy up the green spaces
And burn them all down
So there’s nothing
To distract
From the wolves that are hurled
On ice thin as your link
With the rest of the world

And you can boo all you like
But its time for the future
A future
of nature broken
Of Technicolor despots divine
And the future is no longer Orange
My friends
It’s worse…
The future is now Channel 9.

Battle of the Bards 2009 (at Eisteddfod Festival, 27th & 28th June)

Battle of the Bards 2009...
Watch local contestants wage a war of words as they fight it out to be crowned Chief Bard of the Fens 2009.
Last year was the first time the Battle of the Bards was held in Peterborough where judges crowned Robin Hearne Chief Bard of the Fens after his compelling performance. This year Robin returns to the competition, but as a judge rather than a competitor. Robin has also selected the theme for the competition this year which is wolves.

General Manager from Flag Fen Neil Hart explains, “This is the second year we have held the Eisteddfod event at Flag Fen. We already have five entrants to the Battle of the Bard competition including Peterborough’s Poet Laureate from 2007-2008, Mark Grist. If there are any more potential competitors that would like to take part now is the time to get in touch!”

To enter the competition please contact Nyree Ambarchian: n.t.ambarchian@hotmail.co.uk or call 07917793928

Entrants need to fill in a quick easy registration form by Wednesday 24th June, and be ready to perform for 15 minutes on Sunday 28th June. Each entrant will get 15 minutes to wow the judges. Entrants can perform three poems or one story in this time.

Picture shows: Robin Hearne, Chief Bard of the Fens 2008-2009 just after he was crowned winner last year!

Eisteddfod - Saturday 27th and Sunday 28th June 2009

The upcoming Eisteddfod event at Flag Fen on Saturday 27th and Sunday 28th June will see something for everyone at this celebration of creativity, art, poetry, storytelling, music, performance and arts & crafts. Fun for the whole family!

The Eisteddfod event is based on the ancient Celtic festival which our ancestors who lived at Flag Fen took part in every year. The festival can be traced back to the 12th Century.

Throughout the weekend there will be a host of activities and events to get involved in, including: story-telling in a Bronze Age roundhouse, poetry readings, children’s workshops, arts and crafts stalls, music, dancing and a delicious hog roast.”

Highlights to look forward to on Saturday 27th June...
· The Peterborough Young Poet of the Year competition with Peterborough Library
· Story telling from the Ramsey Story Tellers
· Poetry readings from Poets United

Highlights to look forward to on Sunday 28th June...
· Traditional folk music from Eel Pie
· Performances from local dance groupsThe Battle of the Bards – who will be crowned Chief Bard of the Fens 2009?

Full details of the event:
The Eisteddfod event will run from 10.30am - 4pm on both Saturday 27th and Sunday 28th June. Admission for an adult costs just £5.00 with free entry for children under five. No need to pre-book, simply come along for one or both days!

How to get to Flag Fen:
Flag Fen can be accessed by bicycle and foot via the Green Wheel (approximately 5 miles or 1.5 hours from Peterborough Railway and Bus Station on foot and 45 minutes by bicycle). By car Flag Fen is just ten minutes away from Peterborough city centre and can be accessed from Junction 5 of the A1139 or via the B1040 from Whittlesey or Thorney, turning at the Dog in the Doublet Pub. Brown signs direct travellers from Peterborough but not from Whittlesey or Thorney.

Visit www.flagfen.com for more details.